what is worth waiting?
who is worth waiting?
is waiting worth?
sigh. ltr CIP. dunno if i shld be happy or sad. happy coz i can see my friends. sad coz i gotta see that teacher. i think i rather be happy. what for be sad? anyways. ltr gotta go earlier to do IPW. sigh. why IPW? what issit actually? why are we doing them? i rather study than do this. i hate making the sample. i prefer to do works like writing. tmr will be such a busy day for me. got to finish up my holiday homework. maths and higher chinese. sigh. ytd the maths test was quite a bit of stress. i usually feel the pressure the day after the test or after ppl start to discuss about it. but weirdly, nobody discussed about it. maybe i was too late for the discussion.
jilly and miaos were discussing it in the band room when i was having the test. i think daffy also. sigh. yes, i am being left out. sigh. i just have to get use to that. there are like quite a lot of difference btw the 4 of us. as in the 3 of them and me. daffy and jilly can come up with weird topics and they can laugh off with it. sometimes i feel that the topic is a bit sensitive then i stay out of it. miaos? i dunno. i think she can click quite well with jilly. since they sit together almost everyday. i got a feeling that i am actually always on my own. maybe after the posts are announced in band, then our friendship might get better. but i got a slight feeling that it might turn out to be the worst. a few seniors leaked a slight information about their voting. dunno whether it is confidential or not, so i better dont rag about it.
the sun is bright. the sky is dark. hmm. i want to see a rainbow suddenly. there is once when i saw a fading rainbow on an excursion bus. it was so beautiful! i rmb that i got a sudden feeling of being the happiest and luckiest person in the world. maybe i was being too dramatic. my ulcer is hurting me like crazy. it really hurts. i keep pressing on it last night before sleeping. it kept me awake for quite a long while. this morning, meaning now, it somewhat feel as if i was being punched. i cant even smile widely. sigh. but i like smiling and laughing so i better bear with the pain. lucky i can still pronounce some names. haha. those names are just too impt.
did i mention in ytd's post about sectionals? nvm. even if i did, i still want to post. if i didnt, then good la. haha. ytd sectionals, i was late due to the maths test. then i saw daffy, jilly and miaos sitting in on the platform with justin. theo was standing with them and i think she is teaching justin. at the place where the music stands are placed, kiesha, bjorn, benjamin, josiah, kwangyong, and a few other sec3 are seated in a circle. i felt like joining them but i didnt. it feels weird when u join in ppl's grp when they didnt invite u in. esp when i dunno every single one of them well enough. i fixed up my clarinet and took my file. nobody invited me to anywhere across the room (not that i expected them to but i just feel like it) so i just sat there and use that pathetic small space to put my file. after a while, i give up. i asked rachel if i can practice in the store room and she agreed. i asked linying if she wants to go in and the 2 of us went in together.
linying sat on the floor saying that the floor is more comfortable. but clarinet cant be played if i sit down so i sat on the drumset's chair. haha. then i used the libraian trolley and placed my file there. we practiced "i recommend" then decided to go on with songs instead. haha. ross roy was played. then ppl keep going in and out of the store room so we somehow slacked inside. haha. i felt bored and i took out Wai Kit's clarinet and started to polish it. it looks mouldy. i feel terrible for it so i decided to just polish since he wont be coming back so soon. but UNEXPECTEDLY, he came back! and into the store room! gaa. i opened my eyes wide as if it is going to bulge out. gaa. i shut his case almost immediately after he went out. linying was being weird la. when he entered, she suddenly shouted "ah gong!" then i shouted back "oi!" then it was like a shout of joke. haha. i think Wai Kit understood what we are talking about. coz in our chocolate family, i am their "ah ma" so they all call him "ah gong" loh. haha. i didnt expect that linying would also call the same way since she is closer to him than i am. another event happened before sectionals but i skipped that first. erms. then Wai Kit took the libraian "fund" that box outside. i think he was talking to ms mok saying that there are non-libraians that know the password to open the box. gaa. idiots. i am so gonna report to him if i ever see anybody opening it. and i did! gaa. how wish he can faster online then i tell him. he got the rights to know. he is afterall the head libraian. (:
ytd was the celebrations for youth day and to thanks mr fong and mrs tan puay hong who had retired. sigh. how wish that yong ah sau can retire faster. whatever his name is la. it sounds like it can liao. haha. then all the sec4 express classed performed sth. first in line was 4Adventurous! (:(:(: the girls' "dance" on the chairs looks a bit hideous. but nvm. the next item was a song by the whole class. gosh! Wai Kit and denny were singing too. they sounded wonderfully superbly duperily GREAT!!! i love their song although i dunno what is the title. haha. Wai Kit, denny and a malay councilor were sharing a mic. gaa. bite off that councilor's head ah. he keep holding the mic to himself la. then Wai Kit and denny seemingly was singing louder and louder. sigh. bad friend. shld share mic mah. bite his head off and sell it to the tofu man! (quoted from keith) XPXP but the song was really nice. is not biased la. but is really nice. esp *ahem*'s singing was superb! (:(:(:
hmm. 4i's item was quite entertaining - under the sea. liyong was the diver appearing in the middle of two grp of ppl who are fishes. haha. it was quite funny when liyong appeared. haha. XP 4e's item was about their thoughts about "youth" and a poem. their poem was quite funny. it explains as: going to a place where mr prem cant find us. eat and talk eat and talk and eat again, much to mr quek's dismay. some i didnt really got it. 4d's item was a dance and a song? i think is a song. i forgot. but i rmb they danced. yeah! they sang. it was a duet by a girl and a guy of 4d. their singing was nice. but the disc with the singer's voices are on-playing so i dunno who is the one singing. the singer or the student?
my pitiful ulcer. gaa. biteitoff. i put salt and it didnt get better. i cant make big big movement with my mouth. sigh. nvm. ytd was quite a fun day. but still got stressed up by the reaction of the 3 girls. i dunno what to say. just let nature take its course? i guess so.
010706 - janice is confused. mom bugged janice to pay her the money for all presents. janice said she has none. mom threatened her. janice hated mom. mom understood janice didnt like to bug friends for money under such issues. janice dunno how to react. janice was down on too much stress. mom says stress and sadness causes pimples to appear. mom saw janice's pimples and said that janice was stressed and very unhappy. janice knew she couldnt keep anything from mom. but janice still kept everything to herself. janice confides to no one. janice decided to blog and strike the words off. janice dunno if she shld allow ppl to read them. janice decided to let nature take its path. janice wants to be loved but nobody loves her. janice wants ppl to notice her existence but nobody did. janice wants someone who can understand her and talk to her and let her confide in but nobody could. janice wants to be like a normal girl and have lots of friends but there aren't many. janices wants to have her favourite senior back in the band and play with her once again, sittin beside her but he didnt came. janice stayed by HIM for more than a year but there isnt any outcome. janice wants to know if her appearance matters a lot to HIM. janice wants to grow taller but she thinks she is too fat to grow anymore taller. janice wants HIM to notice her but he never did. janice wants to talk HIM but he doesn't want. janice wants to laugh with him but he never did. janice wants to see him in his eyes but he didnt want. janice wants to sit beside HIM but he didnt want to come back. janice wants a second chance, or prehaps, a first chance but HE didnt give it to her. janice wants to know why but he dowan to say. janice doesnt want HIM to be her boyfriend or what but just wanted him to be her good friend. janice doesnt get the things that she wants dearly -> HIM. janice decided to end everything. janice wants to die. janice wants to get banged down by a car. janice wants to fall down and have external injuries. janice wants to have cancer and die. janice wants to slip into a coma and never wake up. janice wants to sleep but doesnt want to wake up ever again. janice wants to take the rusty penknife and stab it into herself. janice wants to see blood. janice wants to see her OWN blood. janice dunno what to do. janice is lost.
janice doenst exist anymore. janice disappeared. janice died. - 010706
remarkable results!