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Thursday, August 03, 2006Y

was everything a lie from the beginning?
i hope not.
EVERYTHING IS A LIE FROM THE BEGINNING! WHY?! WHY MUST U LIE TO ME?

*cries* believe me. i AM crying now that i am typing this. i don't get it. haven i suffered enough? sigh. nobody gets it. nvm. i admit that this isn't my first relationship. but that doesn't mean that i don't love him now. sigh. am i that unbelievable? i don't understand the whole reason for the lie to begin with. if it was out of fun that everything started, then why care about what others say? either one is a fact. is either it is really out of fun, or is it really that he cares about what others say. EITHER. but i hope it is neither. he agreed that this is only our world where others don't exist. i hereby conclude, that is no longer a truth. perhaps i forced it out of him. yeah. i am evil. so why start it? it all started on THAT particular sunday. everything went wrong. or shld i say, everything went right? when we are in love, i would say that everything went right. when we are out of love, i would say that everything went wrong. so which issit now? i could only say, i dunno.

i dowan to end this. but i dunno why did i start it. i won't say i regret the decision that i made days back. i could only say that whatever that i told him, no matter where or when i said it, every word is a truth. that is probably the final thing i want to say. i stand by my decision never to end this. coz that is what i promised him. and whatever i promised are the truths. may his words be real or fake, i don't want to know. i dowan to create another deep impact on myself and onto my broken heart. i want to let time slowly heal my wound during this period of time. time heals wound. i always stand by that sentence. but when the wound is too deep, nothing can heal. not even turning back of time would heal it. sometimes, turning back of time will hurt the wound even deeper. it might be better for such things to start afresh.

a promise is always a promise. i will keep by them.

even if the sun rises from the west and sets in the east, i will still be the same.

may u have enough happiness to make u sweet, enough trial to make u strong, enough sorrow to keep u human and enough hope to make u happy.

time heals wound. but if the wound gets deeper or infected, i guess i would be left a great big scar that would stay with me for life.

i dunno why am i saying all these. some are found somewhere. some are what i like to say. DUNNO LA! i am so stressed!!! i shall stay away from msn and everything for a long time. i shall stay away from any websites and blogs...except youtube! haha. i am currently waiting for an episode of BLEACH to be loaded. haha. and i am engaged in two phone conversations. damnit this handphone of mine is so lousy. dunno why suddenly cannot conference. gaa. nvm. i shall accept every fact that i have to face. i shall stay away from now on. will be back after everything ended (which i DOWAN) or when things are going to start afresh (which i WANT badly). haha. okiie. bye for now. anyways. i am going to watch BLEACH now. haha. (:

20:38 Photobucket